Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
