wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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