why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
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My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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