it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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