"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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