so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
