Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
