I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
