As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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