I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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