and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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