we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
