you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
