you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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