I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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