toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
