i jhust puked up my retainher.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there's paper in my vomit.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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