Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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