I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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