Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
