You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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