i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
