You work out of a Hotel?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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