You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize