The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You need a sexual gate keeper
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
