yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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