Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
