Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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