Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
