3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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