I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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