you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
