Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
