some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
