the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
