my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
