Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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