is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
