He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
