If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
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I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
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Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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