Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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