blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think your dad took our porno
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
