As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
