im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
