Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
