i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
