The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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