it wasn't lemon gatorade
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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