i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
