I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
