We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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