genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
