i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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