i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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