How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
