i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
