You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
